August 03. 2004 07:30

Nothing Japan-related

Aww... I was asked out today, and for the first time, I had to say that I was already taken. I've only said no twice in my life. (But I've only been asked out five times, so...) Poor guy... He was so cute, and he's a nice guy, so I feel a little sorry for him. Actually, he didn't know that I was taken. A few days ago, I was just thinking how if I broke up with my boyfriend, nobody would know because we never hang out together anyway. He doesn't come to my anime things and when we're in some RPG/other gaming happening, we mostly walk different ways because we're interested in different sort of games. *sigh* Well, I hope that guy didn't get too down...

I think the way I said no the first time was one of the cruelest things I've done. That time I didn't decline because I was taken, but because the person asking was my previous boyfriend who wanted to get back together, and I really couldn't stand him. So I said very bluntly that it won't happen. But in a way, I think it was good for him, because otherwise he could've been dreaming about me for who knows how long. He's the kind of guy who needs to be hit in the head before he believes you.

It's a strange feeling, to be the subject of romantic interest and know that there won't come anything out of it. It feels warm knowing someone likes you, but it also feels uneasy that it's someone you won't respond to. I've gotten so lined up to being with my boyfriend that even though I do find other people attractive, I couldn't think of dating someone else. It's such a hassle breaking up and getting together with someone new ^_^

Being asked out gives a strange feeling in general. There's always this slight hint of panic in the bottom of it all, coming from knowing that the subject at hand is important. I've never been good at starting relationships of any kind. I'm much more at home when I already know the person a little. The best way to make friends with me is to take a calm place and start talking to me about some nonsense. For making lasting friendships, crowds don't suit me. Crowds are meant for keeping up the relationships. Person to person is the best way to make real friends, then you can relax and get a real touch of what the other one is like. But how this all turns back to being asked out is that there's tension there, too, which prevents getting in touch with someone's mind, and it makes me a bit nervous. That's why I prefer to start my relationships (the romantic kind) at some neutral space where I can talk with my interest in private, preferably for a while until anything happens.